America needs a third party, something more specific than “Independents”. Based on where our country is going, I propose the Death Party to battle the Dems and Repubs.The bottom line is that by promoting death we can save the environment, reduce population, have a soaring economy, wipe out poverty, and generally have a great time. Here are the party’s key beliefs:
- Death Penalty – restore it and apply it to all people given life sentences.
- Drugs – legalize it, tax it, and encourage it
- Euthanasia – grandma had her day in the sun and we should stop using up all the healthcare dollars on the terminally ill.
- Abortion – make it legal up to two years old. This will give an out to all those girls who want to have a baby at 16. I guarantee she will get rid of that thing before two years. Besides, the life of the mother is at stake.
- Suicide – Legalize and even set up centers for those wanting to exit. We could call them “Life Centers”. Hey, we call abortion centers Planned Parenthood.
- Bike rights – Bicycle riders will be allowed to ride on interstate highways.
- Unhealthy lifestyle – Good health is way overrated, we want to encourage people to enjoy all the fast food, tobacco, alcohol, and other personal choices they want. They will die sooner and leave the limited resources to others.
- War – At the drop of a hat we should be prepared to kill the enemy with all our force and be more understanding of collateral damage.
- The national motto will be “Safety Third”. No more speeding laws, seat belts, bike helmets, or anything else to protect us from ourselves.
Let me know if you would like to be the first Death Party Chairman.